XM Radio and the Climb

Doing better today. I prayed about everything and I've started the uphill climb. I'm submerging myself in God and trying to stay on track with God. My parents have this XM radio on their TV and they have a christian channel. It's wonderful.

So I'm moving out of my grandparents guest house and into my parents house. I need to go down there today. Maybe I will. Any way, I've got alot of stuff, and I don't think it's all gonna fit in my room. I need to exercise so I think moving around would be a good idea. I was sick for a few days and now I feel like I don't want to move. Ugh.

I've been thinking about how maybe I might do mission corps in about a year. I need to continually talk to God about that that. And get some imput from my friend Emily about what it's like when she gets back from Albania. (Shoutout!!!)

Just some things I've been thinking about today.

Short and sweet.

XM playing TobyMac, Gone.

Erin.

I haven't written anything in a while, and I think it's time to start up again. I think it will be helpful. Right now things just aren't working out according to plan. For those of you who don't know, I'm not going to Fuller. It was all working out until these past couple of weeks. I was getting sick (tired and no appetite) The problem was I wasn't exercising. Mom and Dad mentioned to me that it might not be a great idea to go to Fuller right now. I also to need to pay off my loans. I don't feel funny, as in humerus. As in I don't feel like a funny person. Being hilarious is part of who I am. I need someone around to laugh at what I say. (I know I know, It's not all about me. Maybe I'll get a doll to laugh at me) I don't feel happy a lot like I used too. It's really difficult not having a job. I feel like I don't have any friends. I know that I do have friends, but I think the fact that they are all far away is what is killing me.

The main thing here is because I'm not as close to God right now and need to get close to him. Another thing is I want to be apart of what God is doing is other countries. I feel like I'm just doing nothing when I want to be doing something for God. I want my turn already! I want to go and do. I feel ready to go somewhere for a long period of time. (year) That's my head. I want to be ready for what length of time God has for me. I want and need to be ready with what God wants. I want to make a difference in the world.

I need Jesus right now. And I need to pick myself up off the ground, dust off my hands and stand up. I need to start trekking up the mountain side so I can get myself out of this valley. I want to continually be climbing upward.

TV is off.

Casting Crowns is playing.

Please pray for me.

"Living on my own
Thinking for myself
Castles in the sand
Temporary wealth
Walls are falling down
Storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes
Here I am again
And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand
Daddy here I am again
Will you take me back tonight?
I went out and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I dragged your name back through the mud
That you first found me in
Not worthy to be called your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy here I am
Here I am

Curse this morning sun,
Drags me into one more day
Of reaping what I've sown
Of living with my shame
Welcome to my world
And the life that I have made
Where one day you're a prince
The next day you're a slave
And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand
Daddy here I am again
Will you take me back tonight?
I went out and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I dragged your name back through the mud
That you first found me in
Not worthy to be called your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy here I am
Here I am

And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand"

Casting Crowns- Lifesong- Prodigal