XM Radio and the Climb

Doing better today. I prayed about everything and I've started the uphill climb. I'm submerging myself in God and trying to stay on track with God. My parents have this XM radio on their TV and they have a christian channel. It's wonderful.

So I'm moving out of my grandparents guest house and into my parents house. I need to go down there today. Maybe I will. Any way, I've got alot of stuff, and I don't think it's all gonna fit in my room. I need to exercise so I think moving around would be a good idea. I was sick for a few days and now I feel like I don't want to move. Ugh.

I've been thinking about how maybe I might do mission corps in about a year. I need to continually talk to God about that that. And get some imput from my friend Emily about what it's like when she gets back from Albania. (Shoutout!!!)

Just some things I've been thinking about today.

Short and sweet.

XM playing TobyMac, Gone.

Erin.

I haven't written anything in a while, and I think it's time to start up again. I think it will be helpful. Right now things just aren't working out according to plan. For those of you who don't know, I'm not going to Fuller. It was all working out until these past couple of weeks. I was getting sick (tired and no appetite) The problem was I wasn't exercising. Mom and Dad mentioned to me that it might not be a great idea to go to Fuller right now. I also to need to pay off my loans. I don't feel funny, as in humerus. As in I don't feel like a funny person. Being hilarious is part of who I am. I need someone around to laugh at what I say. (I know I know, It's not all about me. Maybe I'll get a doll to laugh at me) I don't feel happy a lot like I used too. It's really difficult not having a job. I feel like I don't have any friends. I know that I do have friends, but I think the fact that they are all far away is what is killing me.

The main thing here is because I'm not as close to God right now and need to get close to him. Another thing is I want to be apart of what God is doing is other countries. I feel like I'm just doing nothing when I want to be doing something for God. I want my turn already! I want to go and do. I feel ready to go somewhere for a long period of time. (year) That's my head. I want to be ready for what length of time God has for me. I want and need to be ready with what God wants. I want to make a difference in the world.

I need Jesus right now. And I need to pick myself up off the ground, dust off my hands and stand up. I need to start trekking up the mountain side so I can get myself out of this valley. I want to continually be climbing upward.

TV is off.

Casting Crowns is playing.

Please pray for me.

"Living on my own
Thinking for myself
Castles in the sand
Temporary wealth
Walls are falling down
Storms are closing in
Tears have filled my eyes
Here I am again
And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand
Daddy here I am again
Will you take me back tonight?
I went out and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I dragged your name back through the mud
That you first found me in
Not worthy to be called your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy here I am
Here I am

Curse this morning sun,
Drags me into one more day
Of reaping what I've sown
Of living with my shame
Welcome to my world
And the life that I have made
Where one day you're a prince
The next day you're a slave
And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand
Daddy here I am again
Will you take me back tonight?
I went out and made the world my friend
And it left me high and dry
I dragged your name back through the mud
That you first found me in
Not worthy to be called your son
Is this to be my end
Daddy here I am
Here I am

And I've held out as long as I can
Now I'm letting go and holding out my hand"

Casting Crowns- Lifesong- Prodigal

Bob Marley and Life Now

"Don't worry 'bout a thing
Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Don't worry 'bout a thing
cause every little thing gonna be alright"
-Bob Marley

I've been thinking alot about Bob Marley and this song lately. I haven't had the best semester. Things keep happening one after another. So many things that I can't even believe. All of those things made me incredibly mad. But, I thought of this song and really, Bob is right. So, I've decided to think about things going right instead of bad. That's what I'm looking toward.

So I'm moving out of my on campus apartment on Friday and going home for christmas break! I'm so excited! I'm living in my grandparents guest house because I'm graduating! I'm really excited. Ahhhh to relax. Lovely.

And yeah, it's two in the morning and I should probably go to bed, but I just wanted to update and say that things are going bad, but I have a good outlook and things are looking up. :)

And I will leave you with these lyrics by The Killers.

Aggressively we all defend the role we play
Regrettably time’s come to send you on your way
We’ve seen it all bonfires of trust flash floods of pain
It doesn’t really matter don’t you worry it’ll all work out
No it doesn’t even matter don’t you worry what it’s all about

We hope you enjoyed your stay
It’s good to have you with us, even if it’s just for the day
We hope you enjoyed your stay
Outside the sun is shining, seems like heaven ain’t far away

And I'm out.
See ya.
See ya void.

Erin.

Not much...

So, I can't really write much now-a-days but I will when I graduate in December. I'm kinda stressed at times but that's ok I guess for now. I am currently job hunting and it is aweful! It's really difficult. I'm just trying to do my homework so I can turn it in on time, Watch Presidential Debates so that I can be informed, find a job, get an apartment, hang out with friends, call family, etc. etc. etc. It just keeps piling up! But Fall break is coming up so I'll have some time to catch up! :) I love you all! And the void...

Erin

This is a new post...

It won't be a long post. Just one to let you all know that I am alive. As you all know, I am still here at school and I will just announce right now that I am more stressed than ever. So much homework, so little time. Seriously though. I'm trying to get ahead and hopefully I will this weekend. I've been getting up early and going to bed late, giving me around 5 or 6 hours of sleep, which I believe to be the cause of my recent extreme headaches. It's aweful. It hurts when I walk to class, when I sit in class, when I read. Taking naps are my way out. I took some aspirin the other day and it didn't seem to work...

Me+5 English classes (2 writing and 3 literature)+1 senior recitation= Erin stressed out with a major, killer headache.

And I turned 22 on the 10th of September. Getting older. Not sure I like it.

I have a headache.

I have to look for an apartment and a job for when I graduate. I have to write stories for class and papers for class and read for class. I have to go to a volunteering thing on Monday's (That I, not realizing how busy I would be, signed up for.) I have to do my laundry. I have to clean my apartment. I need to call my family. I need to see my boyfriend for more that 30 minutes a day. I have to buy windshield wipers for my car because the ones I have now suck. I have to interprete literature. I need asprin. I need to do devotions. I need to pray more than 5 minutes a day. I need to slow down. I need to breathe. I need a break.

I have a headache.

So yeah, there is so much more to that list. I will try to text you (you being my friends who I don't see everyday) soon to keep in touch.

So yet again I am ending a blog entry and using "So" at the beginning of a sentence.
See ya virtual world.
Erin.

I Want To Be A Roamer

Ok, so I'm going to try to be better about updating this site more often.

I work in the library at my university and it is fairly boring. Especially during the summer. Hardly anyone is down here and I have to sit in front of this computer all day long. It's rather monotonous. I was supposed to have been working on my senior project that is due in December but I haven't been motivated to work on it. One of my professors said that we shouldn't go even a few days without writing but I haven't cared for writing anything lately. I mean I like writing when I get in the mood but I'm not so sure I'm going to be a full time author. I like writing, I really do, just like I like drawing and music. There are just so many things I like doing and I can't pick one to focus in on at a certian time. It's hard to focus on just one thing. I want to do it all. And now I have found a love for photography. I have another blog for my photography so check it out! I just need to hone in on one thing at a time. So right now it's photography and I love it!

I want to travel the world and as I look at many of my friend's pictures from the summer, they have traveled and done so much. I haven't done anything this summer. I haven't even made near the amount of money that I was planning on making this summer. Ridiculous! And I have been saving most of it. ahhhh. Now it comes down to trivial money matters. The little rectangle pieces of paper that don't mean anything to me but then again they do because I have to have it to buy food and water and pay for school and all that and a bag of chips. Getting my own apartment in Decemeber is going to be so. much. fun. (note the sarcasm) I mean I can't wait to move off campus and everything, but paying a million dollars for crap every month is going to utterly suck. I should move to South America.

I want to be a roamer, traveling everywhere. I love to travel. I want to go everywhere. See everything. I can't wait for my next trip!

School will be starting up soon and I am fairly excited. Even though this past year wasn't the best, I'm going to make up for it this next semester. It will be a good semester!

Well, this is my exit.

See ya virtual world!

Wanting to Roam.
Erin.

Wait For the Lord

I am the type of person who likes to have somewhat of a plan. I can be spontaneous and I love it only not when it comes to important things like looking for jobs and planning vacations and such. As I mentioned in my last post, I was really upset and frustrated about a lot of things that were not working as planned. I have decided to stop trying to plan everything out ahead of time. For example: I am anxious to get off of my campus once I graduate. I am so excited! I get so excited that I start looking into apartments and I try to find the perfect one so that when I'm ready to move everything will be ready for me. However, doing this becomes a very upsetting task for me. I get so wrapped up in my plans that I forget about what is happening right here and right now! I make myself believe that moving will happen soon (like the next day) when it is in all actuality about 5 months away. I get so wrapped up in things that I ruin what is happening in my life right then in that very moment. It truly sucks. The main thing that I have been thinking and planning for is my future wedding. I have never been one of those girls, you know the ones who don't even have boyfriends and they have everything planned out down to the wedding dress. Yeah, I wasn't like that. But now I have turned into that and I'm not even engaged yet. My boyfriend and I know that we will get married we just don't know when. It's really been hurting me because I will get so excited and I have all theses great plans and really and truly I have no idea when I'm getting engaged or married for that matter. But I found the solution to the problem! I had to give all that over to God and let him handle my future. Even as I type this I am handing myself over to God. A few days ago I wrapped up everything that I had that dealt with weddings; a magazine, some labeled printouts, and many pictures of what I liked. Even honeymoon ideas, cruises, etc. I wrapped everything in about 5 or 6 pieces of college ruled notebook paper and taped it up so that it would take a bomb get into it. Then I gave it to my boyfriend and told him not to give it to me until we were engaged. He has it now. I made myself stop going to online wedding sites "just to look," because it had become an obsession.

I really do have a problem waiting on God. I was reading about Sarah and Abraham today and Sarah had to wait until she was 90 years old before she had her child Isaac. She had to wait for God's perfect timing. Sarah even laughed at God for telling her that she would have a son when she was old.

I want to be faithful and fully reliant on God. I need an extreme mind change. If you pray, pray that I will find patience and understanding.

See ya virtual world.
Needing patience and understanding.
Erin.